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Modern Programming Glossary

Published on 11/3/2020

  • programming
  • satire

"Blazingly Fast: Modern Programming Glossary
Credits dev.to/rly

Disclaimer: I spent a LOT of time browsing Github, and read a lot of READMEs. This post is a satire, and many great repos / landing pages feature some of the following idioms. I don't mean to offend dedicated maintainers & docs writers, however funny I find dev-targeted marketing tropes.

Suggestions welcome!

Table of contents

Accessible

alt attributes on img are encouraged. Some of our components allow aria attributes.

See also: responsive, mobile-first

Battle-tested

We used it for the docs website of the project and we haven't received any complains except for browers other than latest Chrome.

See also: production-ready, well-tested, modern

Blazingly fast

Fast-enough on our latest-gen Macbook Pros and on the adhoc microbenchmark we have massaged into being faster than <similar project>. We don't support edge cases though.

See also: modern, lightweight

Bloated

Handles edge cases we don't.

See also: modern, lightweight, tiny

Bleeding edge

Only works in latest Chrome with experimental flags enabled and a custom babel plugin. Expect breaking changes without notice every 1-2 months.

See also: modern, legacy code

Cloud-native

We have written a docker-compose.yml file and it works on AWS. You need to pass secrets as environment variables.

See also: cloud-ready, scalable

Cloud-ready

We provide a Dockerfile.

See also: cloud-native, scalable

Configurable

You will need to copy/paste a subfolder from our examples folder to run it.

See also: modular

Cross-plaform

Laggy on all Web, Android, iOS and Electron. All versions include 20Mb of Node API polyfills.

See also: modern, progressive web app

Customizable

Our JSON configuration interpreter is Turing-complete.

See also: configurable, modular

Entreprise-level

We provide paid support & services.

See also: cloud-native

Legacy code

Code not written by us less than 3 month ago.

See also: modern, bleeding-edge

Lightweight

With 100Gbps network speed, it takes no more than several seconds to download in NA.

See also: tiny, modern, blazingly-fast

Mobile-first

We have copy-pasted <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1"> and it works on our Macbook Pros in latest Chrome emulating iPhone X.

See also: mobile-first

Modern

Written in a language we are familiar with, using our own linting conventions. Only works on latest Chrome. Expect breaking changes every 2-3 months.

See also: bleeding edge, legacy code

Modular

Code is spread over 10 different tighly-coupled packages. We expose a plugin configuration option that only accepts our own plugins. Expect breaking plugin API changes every 2-3 months.

See also: modern, bleeding edge

Open standards

We published the source code of our parser and wrote a README file that looks like an RFC.

See also: modular

Privacy-focused

You may opt-out of automated backdoor analytics in both your config file and environment variables, and you must do so again every time you update.

See also: secure

Production-ready

Not yet used in production.

See also: entreprise-level, modern, well-tested, battle-tested

Progressive web app

We display a spinner while the 10Mb bundle is downloading.

See also: responsive, lightweight

Responsive

We use display: flex instead of display: block and we have replaced 16px with 1em.

See also: accessible, mobile-first

Robust

It works on our machines.

See also: well-tested, battled-tested, production-ready, entreprise-level

Scalable

You need a Kubernetes cluster with at least 3 nodes to serve your blog. We also provide paid hosting, by the way.

See also: enterprise-level, cloud-native, cloud-ready

Secure

We only use eval sparingly and we embed a 10Mb third party HTML sanitizer.

See also: entreprise-level, typesafe

Serverless

You need an AWS server to run it.

See also: scalable, cloud-native, cloud-ready

Tiny

All code is inlined in a single 1k LOC file.

See also: lightweight, zero-dependencies

Well-tested

We have written some tests and have more than 50% code coverage.

See also: battle-tested, robust, production-ready

Unified

Standards

See also: open standards

Typesafe

We have prefixed all occurences of any with // eslint-ignore-next-line.

See also: secure

Zero-dependencies

Our dependencies are embeded in a vendor folder, and/or we have custom implementations of common functions that don't support edge cases, most of which are copy/pasted from StackOverflow without attribution.

See also: tiny, lightweight, modular, modern